the days of a Buddhist

yea, i need an escape from myspace, and instead of posting a blog ill just put it here where noone will read it, lol. so yea, alot has happened, im in theropy and on pills and this is the happiest ive been all year, even though brittany still treats me like crap, i dont care anymore, ive had enough of it. i have a job at subway wich is real fun, i have to be there in 25min and i need to find a way to get done with drivers ed asap cause i cant take my driving test with out it >_< damn homebound. i lost my glasses on the bus but thats ok, i never liked them anyway. all my friends that i kindra drifted from are my friends again and i couldnt be happier, bri has been gone for 2 days and im slightly worried >.> hope she gets better. oh yea, im entered into a food compatition, i have to make a salad without a bowl x.x. i have downloaded every Rammstein song ever made and its always playing on my comp, yay. well yea, i think thats enough, im off to make bread!

Im back, well first of all i will say Boondock Saints is a really awesome movie, and im in therapy =/. They want to put me on zoloft. The thing is, i havent been really that depressed the past week, I have been really angry, but not that depressed.
I have come to realize the saying "you can make some of the ppl happy some of the time, but you cant make all the ppl happy all of the time" relates to me alot right now. I used to be concerned with having everyone like me, but now I relize that I don't need alot of ppl to like me to make me happy, I just need a few, and i have more than a few. I know not everyone is goin to like me, and thats there problem, this is me, im not going to change who I am just to make a few ppl happy, someone I know should really listen to this, because they are facing this problem, they have started to be theirself but their friends arent quite so happy with it,im not saying to accept it or leave, im just saying you should just appreciate that person for being brave enough to be thierself, and if you were really their friend you would learn to accept it, and just let the things that person did in the past behind them. It would make things alot simpler if you could let it go, you need to focus on making the person feel happy and welcome, instead of bring up the past and making that person feel bad (sorry for the rambling, I just want to see this person and thier friends to be happy).
Im going shopping for a heavy bag today *w00t w00t* i need to let my aggresion out.
I feel like an idiot for making a scene in Brittany's class room, I let my emotions get the better of me at times. I know she treated worse than complete strangers, but I still care alot about her, I just want to be her friend, even though we have been through alot, she has been there for me in my time of need, quite a few acually. Just for being there, even if it was only on aim, I know even if she doesn't always shows it, she cares alot for me, enough to stay up late at night to talk me out of bad decisions. Noone has ever treated me as bad as she did before, yet at the same time noone has cared for me that much before i met her. Its all confusing, but I know she doesn't hate me, but i just want to know that we can be good friends, instead of having a fight about how she treats me like crap every week. I also thank her a little for treating me like that, If she never did that, I would have never been able to cope well when one of the most depressing things in my life happened. If she didn't treat me like that, I couldn't handle what happened, but when it did I realized "I shouldn't be doing this, I have been depressed, I know death isn't the answer" but it still hurt me alot that she did that. Its been about 2 months since and I still find my self-reflecting on it once in a while, but it doesn't make me as depressed as it did, in time ill probaly get over it, and who knows what could happen.
I have been listening to 3 doors down for about 3 days know, it gets me emotional at times, but its the good kind of emotion, it makes me thing of happy times, and even though I find myself crying, its tears of joy, knowing that something could make me so happy that i could cry over it makes me feel lucky. I know I havent had the most depressing life, but psychiatrist even say it hasn't been a very good few months for me, but I have stopped cutting and I have stopped hurting myself, because I have good friends and an ok life, it has its ups and downs but a good friend told me I need to focus on the ups and the pos. because if I focus on the positive, then only good will happen. I am grateful for my friends, and I owe alot to a certain few (you know who you are), because without their help, I might not even be here right now.
This is all I have to say, the only reason I did this is because a friend said it would help if I did this, and it did. So til next time, adios

damn im bored, nuthin todo all day. well tommarrow im goin to another bowling lock in so thats gunna be kool, no school monday, thats sweet. Ive been hooked on Disturbed for 4days now. Its insane, then again so am I. Still waiting to see Hostel, oh well. My comp is crapping up, the disc drive wont work and the wheel on my mouse broke. and i went to the doc today, turns out i had a case of exhaustion a few nights ago and she says i need more sleep. I'm also really stressed and i have a split in my head that hurts. ugh, damn world, everything is against me. Oh well, least i got a girlfriend and friends to turn too. l8r

i havent updated in a bit so heres a good sum up of the last few weeks, Got a girlfriend, got a permit, went back to school, thats it. I went to the mall today to get some movies for my psp, i was trying to call Brittany to see if we were goin to see hostel but she never called me back, we have been goin out for over a week and have yet to go on our first date, i dont think she likes to hang out with me T_T, oh well. i gotta wake up at 7 to go to a bowling tournament hopefully ill get a trophy. wish me luck, l8r

I realized that alot of ppl call me Buddha and most don't know why. There are alot of theories but here is the true reason. I moved here in 7th grade, I knew noone, But i was wearing my necklace of Buddha, its gold and has a mini-statue inside. Its a real conversation starter. Anyway a few ppl saw it and we talked about it, these ppl became my friends. They hung out in a group and they all had nicknames for each other. They decided to make me part of the group and gave me a nickname based on probably the only reason the talked to me. So they called me Buddha, I don't know how the hell the name spread through the entire skool ,but everyone found out. It has been about 4 years since and the name has stuck and has spread around skool alot, Everyone knows my name but bot me, you can ask anyone about Buddha in IRHS and most of the time they shall immediatly think of me.So Bre, Tiffany, Paige, Jenny, Stephanie, and everyone else that is why they call me Buddha, L8R!

I woke up at 7:30am, its weird cause i went to bed at 4am, me and Brittney chatted online for 9 solid hrs, we went insane at the end. And im tryin my hardest to make her uncomfortable. and theres nuthin i can think of to say.any ways i was reading my friends lj, and i came across Bres, here is the thing she has 2 journals, one real, and one about fan-fiction. In here entry it says, and i quote,"Buddha got a livejournal, and he added me... but it was the wrong journal XD I'll tell him... eventually. First I'm gonna make a filter for all my drabbles and junk, 'cause I'm not sure how appreciative he would be to find out his new friend finds amusement out of gay anime guys ^____^ Ah well, he'll find out (eventually).". You think that would be somthing to tell sumone at a time aside from 'eventually' but w/e, and if you know me at all you should know my motto is, "Do whatever the fack you want, just don't try to get me into sumthin i dont wannna get into." So I really don't care if she like gay anime guys, she still my friend. And if Dirk Harris is reading this, "STOP TRYING TO CONVERT ME!", im set on religion im fine at where im at. no need to try to convert me it aint gunna work. Well thats about it so yea, and concerning my subject heading, I was listning to Dane Cook alot today. L8R!

Ah yes, no skool tomarrow, the next day and next week. Skool felt extremely long today, i paid no attention in first block as usual. second block was fun, i was bugging Brittney cause she drew somthing in the corner of her picture and doesnt want to show me. 3rd was boring. 4th was alright.nuthin new, just chatting online, talkin on phone and cant wait to sleep till 11am again!! cya!

first block was ok, i didnt pay any attention at all(i was busy sketching), we might have learned sumthing iono. second block was fun as usual, except this girl Natalie got really pissed at me for talking to Brittney, who is not real talkative, but anyways yea. Third block was acually alirght supprizingly, we didnt do much but take a real easy test and two of our classmates sang some songs. Forth block was boring cause we had to sit and do nuthing but mrs. Mosher came in delivering bowling stuff and had me deliver, that was better than sitting there. The bell reang and i went to art club where i was the only one there cause everybody had an orcestra concert, at least i made my own glass star(yay). I came home at 6 went online and imd Brittney for hrs(shes more typative than talkitive), we were talking about the movie Hostel(which is a movie like Saw w/o the intelec and way more gore) its the perfect movie for her, and i was talking bout how i couldnt get in cause its R, but she can, and is willing to take us, but my friend doesnt think it will work cause shes 17 so i think it will me just me and her.She logged off and i started reading all my friends live journals and i found Bre's new one so i started reading, apparently she thinks im a weirdo and she wants to smack me cause i didnt see her in hot topic that one time, even if she was wearing a bright blue hoody in an all black colored store its still hard for me to see 3 ft in front of me w/o my stupid glasses *sighs* i need contacts. well thats bout it, im off to sleep and see what tomorrow bring. L8R!

i took a 1000 question survey today and it took forever, thats all(sadly)

today started of really boring, but turned out to be alright, chated wit some friends made a new one via myspace. but i did get a song stuck in my head but its ok cause now im listning to it over and over.

today was really boring, nuthin todo. at least i didnt go to school, that was good.

today at bowling club Andy and Kelly kept bitting me, i dont know why but they did. If you ever need to know how bites harder Andy or Kelly, Andy does, she left my skin a lil swollen and red...ouch, odd thing is though, I kinda liked it;-)